worst case scenario

the pain of our separation strikes me weeks before it even happens

i long to be by her side always

she is not even here yet

and i can't stop crying

the bitterness in my heart for the people who have hurt me

doesn't seem to be able to let me forget today

most days i just want all of us to be happy

today i want revenge

i want justice

i want what was stolen from me

i want i want i want

i'm not saying i know what's right

i'm just saying i feel what's wrong

and i don't know how to deal with it

i don't feel like i can send her off

into that life without me

again

is that selfish?

am i being a self centered asshole for thinking

a child belongs with her mother?


too bad mom's broke.

too bad mom!

shoulda learned how to make money.

shoulda figured it out mom.


now if you're lucky

you'll get to see her again this summer


now go get a fucking job

dead beat mom


no one cares about your heart
even the ones that used to
are way too busy for you
now lie in the bed you made mom
this is what you get
this is what you get for being bad
this is what you get
this is what you get for breaking the rules

you better learn how to follow the rules mom

or it will get even tougher than this

dead beat fucking mom

Travel with One Bag - wikiHow

Travel with One Bag - wikiHow

oh sweetie...

come here and lay your head in my lap
and empty your heavy heart
kick off your shoes and let loose your soul
for an undisclosed amount of time
just come here and be with me and
I'll swim in the smell of your skin
and forget about the world we live in
just lay your head down and tell me whatever you want
and when we fall asleep
I'll be here when you wake
and we can talk about anything

can we recreate this
sweet moments bliss
my dearest friend?
at the end of the day
we'll lay right here
and do it again

cover me in your gaze

can you look into my eyes and
see past why I live my life the way I do?
when you see the colors and the tired skin that surrounds
will you see past my weakness
and all my reasons to bail out?

will you pull my insecurities off of me
like a shrunken wool sweater
remind me why I'm here
we'll buy some fishing poles together
and go fishing for stories
to replace what doesn't have to be truth anymore
cover me my dear
cover me in your gaze

(explanation:)

I was standing up for me on the wrong side of the fence
watering the wrong plants
looking for new leaves to turn over
if only I had the sense about these things
a discernment behind the sure feeling
that propels me away from my destination..

the loneliest girl alive

she's gonna do whatever she has to do
to find that life
she's sleeping all day
and staying up all night
crying about her life
because she's so strange
she running away
from unavoidable pain
she's dancing with butterflies
in the middle of the night
crying for her baby
praying for the light
to lead her back
to the place she was looking for
the whole damn time

the loneliest girl alive
she's afraid nothings gonna change
the girl the was forgotten
will never be the same

tell her to shut up

I don't blame you anymore for cutting me off like you did
though I still think it's unfair

There was something that was eating me up inside
it crippled my mind
couldn't do anything right
always pointing out my mistakes
fading away
fading away
to a cold body
a cold soul
afraid to create
or make a sound
with one side I loved
and the other I destroyed
myself and anyone else
that provoked the energy
I apologize to all who had to suffer my shadow side with me

sensory perception

sensory perception
failure
deception
cranium filth
sleeping erection

feeling make lines
now snort alienation
sober sometimes
for cheeseburger contemplation
organic annihilation
for habit masturbation

blaming tides
compulsive fines
department of snot
radiate and rot

stupid stupid stupid brain
tummy hungry
rubbing chains
blisters ooze
snacks and sundries
never heard a word
slut fucking hungry

floating fetus all grown up now
savior jesus died for potty mouth
and I love you
like I love glue
love like herds
love for television
love for words
with no destination

I am your healer

I am your healer and I see light shining in your third eye
I am your healer and I see a heart surrounded in green light
I see your solar plexus radiating orange light
revealing a path that you never saw before
I see your eyes opened wide and ears willing to hear

I am your healer and I see memories found in shades of black and white
I hear stories about good old forgotten times
I feel you smile
I feel you cry
I am your healer
I feel you inside

no regrets

I can't quit thinking about you
and I'm sorry for what I said
I didn't mean it
I was going through too much
and I ran you off

I was afraid to let you know me

I was afraid of myself

not ready to share my soul

with a divine creature such as you

I'm so sorry

and I know there's nothing I can do

sounds of silence

sounds of silence
like light from ancient galaxies 

travels through time
that doesn't exist
like you and I
a flower kissed
the jealous sky
rained down a mist
upon us like dew drops
upon fires of grief
and agony
of gravity
pulling and yearning
the distorted memories
and dimensions
of years of our youth
lost in our very own heads
chasing a past
that's already dead
but we're still alive
and I'm breathing here
wondering about your eyes
making an appearance in my dreams
covered in layers of sunglasses
but I still see you there
making a fool of me
and I dance willingly

concrete

I think the concrete might be getting to me

I think the air is harder to breathe than it seems

I remember now that I'm forgetting

To think about what's best for me

I've got to get to the water

I've got to walk with bare feet

and sense the ground beneath me

the ground living beneath me

the world not covered in concrete

the sound of birds flying over me

and the leaves falling

where eye contact is undistracted

and you can fade into me